When I moved from New York to California, I had a vision in my head.
I pictured the few friends I knew out here, inviting me to join in. Inviting me to dinners. Introducing me to their friends. And just having fun together.
But that’s not what happened.
My friends were busy with their own lives. Wrapped up in their own routines.
They weren’t being mean…they just weren’t thinking they should include me in their social get togethers.
So there I was living in a new city…as a solopreneur Life Coach for Women Over 50, I work from home coaching women over Zoom.
If I’m being totally honest…
I was feeling isolated and alone.
That’s when it hit me…
If I wanted my own circle of friends out here…it was up to me to build it.
One person at a time.
One friend at a time.
No One Taught Us How to Make Friends
Here’s the thing nobody talks about.
No one ever taught us how to make friends.
We didn’t learn it in school. And our parents didn’t show us how.
In our 20s and 30s, we didn’t have to try that hard. We had built-in social networks everywhere we looked.
College. Work. Friends of friends.
People we saw five days a week without even planning it.
Friendship…just happened.
Then midlife arrived, and all of that quietly disappeared.
The kids grew up. Retirement on the horizon. Friendships shifted…or we simply lost touch with old friends.
The built-in friend network we never had to think about is…just gone.
And that loss of connection matters more than we may realize. In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on loneliness and social isolation highlights just how important social connection is to our overall health and well-being.
And suddenly, making a new friend isn’t something that happens to us anymore.
It’s something we have to be intentional about and put ourselves out there.
The Fear of Putting Yourself Out There
That’s the scary part.
The fear of walking into a room full of strangers.
The fear of getting rejected.
What if she already has enough friends?
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if I show up…and no one talks to me?
So we talk ourselves out of it before we even try.
We don’t go to the event. We don’t join the group. We don’t start the conversation.
Believe me…I totally get it.
Because I’ve stood frozen in that exact fear myself.
The Day I Almost Walked Out…But Made a New Friend
Let me tell you about a running club event I went to.
I showed up alone. I didn’t know a single person there.
And the second I walked in, I wanted to turn around and leave.
Everyone already knew each other. They were all laughing and catching up…and most of them were 30 to 40 years younger than me.
I felt so awkward. So out of place.
Every part of me wanted to go home.
But I talked myself off the ledge.
I told myself…you don’t have to make ten friends today.
You don’t even have to make two.
You just have to talk to ONE person.
That’s it. Just one.
And the second I took all that pressure off myself…I felt like I could breathe again.
So I looked around. And I spotted one woman close to my age, standing by herself.
I walked over. Got close. And asked her a simple question to start a conversation.
That conversation turned into a deep connection.
We had so much in common.
All it took was one person. One question.
And guess what?
That one conversation turned into a new friendship.
It’s Never Too Late to Make New Friends in Midlife
Making new friends in midlife is harder. That part is real, and I’ll never pretend it isn’t.
But harder doesn’t mean impossible.
It’s not impossible at all.
You just have to be willing to put yourself out there…and talk to one person.
Not the whole room. Not even five people.
Just one.
Take the pressure off, the same way I did at that running event.
Find the one woman standing alone. Get in close proximity.
Ask her a question.
And just see where it goes from there.
Because you never know…
That one conversation could turn into your next great friendship.
It’s never too late to make new friends.
You just have to be brave enough to start with one.
Always remember…life is better when you share it with the right friends.
