Making friends from meetup groups isn’t always easy.
It’s not so much making friends in the meetup group…it’s when you try to take a new friendship outside the group.
You meet a woman you really click with…and you get the courage to ask her to get together, just the two of you.
And instead of you both figuring it out together…suddenly you’re the one planning everything.
That’s exactly what happened in this situation…
Dear Suzanne,
I reach out to get together outside of a meetup group. Then it comes down to…
What will we do?
What day?
Where should we meet?
These are her questions, and I end up planning it.
Then she says, “Let’s touch base closer to the date.”
I find I’m in my masculine energy planning a date. Is there an easier way?
People don’t like one-on-ones. They enjoy groups only. That’s the hard part. Or they say, “Let’s post this and see who else wants to join.”
Signed,
Always the Planner
Who Should Plan the First One-on-One Get Together?
I totally get your frustration. Here you are being friendly and inviting someone to get together…and then it all falls on you.
But the truth is…
All those questions she’s asking are totally normal.
If you’re the one who asked her to get together, I’d put it on you to plan the get-together the first time.
But here’s the thing…
Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself to find the perfect spot to get together…just pick a nice place and neighborhood, and ask when she’s free to get together.
How to Get Your Meetup Friend to Plan the Next Get Together
If you two hit it off and decide to get together again, then it’s okay to hand it off to her the next time.
Just say, “Hey, I’d love to get together again…why don’t you pick the place this time?”
Then give her a little help and suggest a neighborhood and a type of cuisine, like, “Anywhere in the West Village or Chelsea works for me. I love Italian food.”
That will take the pressure off her and she’ll appreciate it.
Don’t Change the Place She Picks
Now, here’s the only rule…
If she takes the lead and plans the get together the second time, if you don’t like the place…you can’t ask to change the spot.
Otherwise, if you do that, she won’t want to take the lead next time and she’ll ask you to plan it next time.
This is how it all balances out. Sometimes you plan…sometimes she plans…and it doesn’t always fall on you.
Making Friends From Meetup Groups Takes Time
Now, what happens when you suggest getting together one-on-one and she wants to invite others to join?
Try not to be offended…
Remember, she just met you at a meetup group and doesn’t know you well enough yet, so she might feel more comfortable getting together in a small group.
Give her that…and let it go.
Sometimes we need to see someone a few more times before we think, “I really like her…I could get together with her one-on-one.”
So if she wants to invite a few others, say yes. It’s still more personal than the big meetup group.
And think of it this way…now you have a few more women to get to know better. And you never know…one of them may end up becoming a closer friend than the one you invited.
As you start to spend more time together and find you have more in common, she may feel comfortable getting together with just the two of you down the road.
I’m Suzanne Oshima, a Life Coach for Women Over 50, and I help women make new connections, build genuine friendships, and thrive in midlife together.
Have a friendship situation of your own?
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