You text a friend to get together.
You go back and forth, trying to find a day that works for both of you, and you finally land on one. Saturday.
But then she says…
“Let’s touch base closer to the date and see what the weather’s like.”
So now it’s not a real plan…it’s just a day that may or may not happen.
But you don’t know which one it is…because she’s left you hanging.
So you hold the day open, waiting for her to decide if she wants to meet up with you. Here’s the situation…
Dear Suzanne,
I have a situation where once we set on a day to meet, the other person always says, “let’s touch base closer to the date and see what the weather’s like.” This might be a New York thing.
In the meantime, there’s no set date, place, or real confirmation. I usually check the weather and confirm a few days beforehand. Sometimes it goes forward, and other times it’s postponed to the following week when the weather is nicer…meaning zero chance of rain, no extreme temps, no clouds.
In the meanwhile, I set aside a day and don’t put anything else on it, thinking the plans will go forward.
Signed,
The Weather Woman
A Friend Who Won’t Commit to Plans Is Showing You Her Issue
No one ever said friendships in midlife were easy…so remember, this is her issue. Not yours.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. It’s just hers.
Now, you can hope she changes, you can pray she changes…but you need to accept that she isn’t going to.
So you either accept this about her, or not make plans with her.
Ask for an Answer by a Date That Works for You
Now that you know this is her issue, you get to decide how you want to handle it. And that’s where your power is.
Here’s what I’d say to her after you make the plan:
“I totally get that the weather affects you and you might want to reschedule. But I really need to know if we’re on by Wednesday for Saturday.”
That’s it. Warm, clear, and honest.
What If She Doesn’t Let Me Know?
If she doesn’t let you know by that Wednesday, then send her a text.
“Hey Sally, just checking in since it’s Wednesday. The weather looks great this weekend. Are we still on for Saturday?”
She’ll tell you yes or no. Or she’ll say nothing at all.
And no response is a response.
If she doesn’t respond, then make other plans.
If she comes back at you, then just say…
“Since I didn’t hear back from you, I assumed we weren’t on, so I made other plans.”
And don’t feel guilty about it.
You cannot put your life on hold waiting on someone else’s forecast.
You have a life and need to live it.
Take the Weather Off the Table
Now, if the weather doesn’t bother you the way it bothers her…there’s a second way to handle this issue that may make it easier, just offer to meet up with her close to where she lives.
Just say to her…
“I have no problem meeting you in your neighborhood. Let’s do that restaurant right down the block from you. Then if it rains, it’s not a big deal. Does that work so we can put it on the calendar?”
Most of the time, that one offer solves the whole thing.
And if she still says she might cancel if it rains?
Then you go right back to the first thing…let me know by Wednesday.
Now, here’s what I want you to take away from all of this.
If a friend is being wishy washy about committing to getting together…
You are not being difficult by asking for an answer by a certain date. And you’re not being pushy.
All you’re doing is asking for her to respect your time.
And if she can’t do that…then it’s time to stop building your Saturdays around a friend who can’t make a commitment to get together and may be time to let the friendship go.
I’m Suzanne Oshima, a Life Coach for Women Over 50, and I help women make new connections, build genuine friendships, and thrive in midlife together.
Have a friendship situation of your own?
Send me an email and I might answer it in a future Dear Suzanne video.
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